


A Weeping Heart

by SapphireSassenach



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 06:35:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5817814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireSassenach/pseuds/SapphireSassenach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So this little idea came to me and it wouldn’t go away. It’s set right after the scene where Jamie and Claire finally embrace at the abbey in the episode To Ransom A Man’s Soul. A wee bit angsty but nothing too bad. Enjoy! As always I love to hear what you think!</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Weeping Heart

I thought that holding a dying soldier in my arms would be the most emotionally traumatizing thing I could ever experience in my life. Having someone clutching onto you to try and hold onto the world before succumbing to the great darkness of the unknown and unexplored. To try and grasp on to the last touch they would ever feel. I thought that listening to them plead for me to save them or whisper tearful confessions of the darkest part of their soul in search of reassurance, or beg to see their family one last time would be the hardest thing I would have to hear. 

How wrong I was. 

The sound of Jamie’s tortured, piercing cries was the hardest thing my heart has ever had to hear. 

We lie on his cot in the abbey, surrounded by thick air that had the heavy weight of love and despair swirled into one all consuming breath. 

I was sitting up, clutching Jamie’s head on my chest as he lay over me as if he were trying to merge into one being. I held onto him as hard as possible he shook in my arms, clinging to his half-dry hair and squeezing his bruised body to try and be the anchor he so desperately needed me to be. Tears of lost innocence ran down his cheeks in rivers as he finally began to purge the feelings of self-loathing and inadequacy. 

My soul was still weeping at his last statement.

How can you have me like this?

As those words left his mouth, I thought I heard part of my heart break, a piece snapping off like a twig at his defeated tone. 

“Shhh,” I cooed at him as I rubbed my hand on his arm, careful at where to touch him after he was only just able to bear the feel of my skin on his. 

The force of his trembling masked my own as tears fell from my eyes in sync with his. He let out a soft cry and gripped my waist hard enough for it to be black and blue tomorrow. His tears were soaking through my shift, making it almost transparent. 

I rocked him gently as he sniffled and hiccupped like a small boy, smoothing my hand across his forehead to keep the sweaty curls from falling into his watery eyes. 

He needed this release. For days, he had been holding it all in, refusing to talk about what haunted him to the point of death. So here he sat, day in and day out, turning and tossing on the small cot with the misery of solitude and the screaming of a tormented soul. After finally giving into me and letting his vulnerability be known, he could finally be able to start to live a normal life again. We could start again. 

We must have made an interesting sight. Jamie’s form draped across the surface of the small bed, too big to completely fit, and a massive cloud of messy curls buried into my small form folded up on the top of the cot. 

I let out a slow breath as I held my weeping husband, trying so hard to let whatever little strength I had left to seep into his pours so he might be able to start re-building the small fortress inside of him that Randall had destroyed. 

I leaned down to kiss his forehead as I reached for the handkerchief on the table. He felt my movement away from him and let out a small noise of distress and squeezed me in a vice like grip to prevent my moving. 

“Shh, it’s ok, love,” I whispered to his trembling form, “I’m not going anywhere.”

I managed to reach far enough to grasp the end of the cloth and yank it into my grasp. 

I titled his chin so I could see the front of his face. His swollen eyes were screwed shut in grief and face flushed from the heat of the room.

I gently wiped his face, cleaning the tracks of tears and sweat as he finally began to still, slumping onto me in exhaustion from the heavy emotion and sobbing of the past hour.

I reached up to dab at my own eyes as his breath slowed on my chest. 

“That’s right, love. Go to sleep.”

I ran my hand through his hair, humming tunelessly until I felt him fall into the oblivion his mind so desperately needed. I rubbed my hand on the back of his head experimentally. His mouth turned up slightly in the firelight and that was enough. 

I finally let my own tears fall, careful to not to shake him as he slept. 

What are we going to do, now?

It would be a hard journey, there was no doubt of that. Jamie would have to find a way to reconquer his demons, starting with removing his brand as soon as possible. But right now, with him finally still and safe against my heart, nothing else mattered.

I meant what I said. We were meant to be together and if we could get through this, we could get through anything life could ever throw our way.

I leaned down to kiss his ear, as soft as a dragonfly’s wing, as I whispered to him again-

“Always.”


End file.
